Feeling Things So Strong
by FantasyFreedom
Summary: [Liley] T for suicide attempt. -But this time Lilly saw the pain and looks closely. She sees some of the constant hurt behind the artificial amusement, and knows that it's not just from this moment. "Miley..."


**So this is just something that I thought up, and wrote down. I really hope you like it because, I do.**

**Though it's not exactly how I wanted it to turn out.**

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><p><em>You're so selfish! You don't think about anyone but yourself. It's always about Hannah Montana.<em>

He has always said that to her, and even though she always had a comeback, it hurts. It hits her deep. She doesn't want him to hate her.

_You're such a hypocrite! You say one thing, do another?_

Lilly and Miley had made up after this, they always do, but she still hurt her. She didn't mean to.

_Just keep smiling_, she tells herself. _Smiley Miley right?_

She does. She nods along to the story her best friend is telling a the moment, giving her input when needed. She wasn't really listening very well. From what she could gather, Lilly's mom had upset her somehow.

Miley looks at the blond now, as they walk down the hall at school. She studies the slight crinkle of her brow, showing her frustration as she re-encounters her story.

The slightly pouty lips as she wets them when they get to dry which, Miley noticed a long time ago, is quite often.

The secrete popstar finds herself licking her own lips before quickly looking away.

"She's just so infuriating, you know?" She says stopping at their lockers to shove her skateboard in.

The burnet turns her combination slowly, going over the last few spoken sentences in her head.

"No, not really."

The blond is quiet for a few moments.

"Gosh, I'm sorry Miles. I shouldn't have said that." Miley looks at her friend of four years, and sees the guilt and hesitance in her eyes.

An invisible string pulls at her heart painfully.

So she plasters a smile on her face with a hint of amusement to make it more real.

"No, it's okay. I didn't even think about it."

Relief washes over the other girl's features, smoothing out the cute worry lines. She smiles in relief.

_I'm an amazing actress_, the burnet thinks.

The blond grabs the popstar's hand and starts dragging the other girl to first period as the warning bell rings.

Said girl wets her lips nervously as she stares at the hand wrapped securely around her own. A small, sincere smile forms on the girl's lips as she looks up at the other's sparking blue eyes.

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><p>Miley's POV<p>

"I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" I say as I look around the wreckage I had caused.

Props that had been neatly stacked on a table just a few milliseconds before, and spotlights that were shining brightly, now lay knocked over. I stand in the middle of it all.

I don't even know how it happened. My foot just snagged on one cord and then I guess it just had a domino effect.

I look desperately at Mr. Corelli, and try to convey to him with my eyes, how sorry I am.

"Look what you did! Why do you have to be such a skew up all the time?!" I turn my wide eyes to Amber.

I open my mouth to say something, anything just as hurtful, but nothing comes to mind.

Lilly steps forward, acting as a shield that could protect me from any crude words.

"Back off! It's an easy mistake that could happen to anyone."

But it didn't happen to anyone. It happened to me. I gently brush my fingers along her arm and she turns slightly at my touch.

"It's okay. She's right."

Shock registers on her face because for the first time, she sees some of the pain in my eyes.

I drag a small smile onto my face and work to add the usual sparkle in my eyes.

But this time Lilly saw the pain and looks closely. She sees some of the constant hurt behind the artificial amusement, and knows that it's not just from this moment.

"Miley..." She steps forward, grazing her finger tips against my wrist, but I turn away, unable to see the concern and keep my mouth shut about every single thing that makes my heart ache. That _she_ causes a lot of the pain she sees.

"I'm fine. Really." I add a humorous laugh at the end like it would be silly for her to think otherwise.

The bell rings as I rush out the door.

Lilly stays standing in her place for a few moments, overwhelmed by the wave of pain she had never noticed before in her best friend's eyes.

She vaguely wanders, as she finally snaps out of her stupor and follows the flood of pushing students, how long she had been missing something now so obvious.

Miley was drowning.

Lilly is quieter, more hesitant with her words. She's watching me, really watching me.

I add more humor in my eyes, more joy in my laugh, but however much it is, she seems to be looking straight through my lies now.

I feel guilty again, for making her worry.

At the end of the day, after Oliver veers off to his house, we walk home together in silence, her holding onto my hand with both of hers as I slowly drag her behind me. I feel the vibration of the board's rolling wheels as it moves through her body and up my arm that she grips tightly.

"So are you coming over today?" I ask, trying to mask the small hitch of desperation.

"Sorry, can't. Mom wants me to do a deep clean of the house and it's going to take all day.."

It's an excuse. She doesn't want to hang out with someone who has so many problems, she just doesn't know how to tell me.

Maaan, even my problems cause problems. I really do screw everything up.

I surprise myself by thinking that the world would be better off without me. My eyes widen at the thought.

"Yeah alright. Maybe next time."_ Please don't leave me alone._

"Tomorrow. She promises with a firm nod.

"..."

"Miley...?"

"Yeah, sure." I say.

We stop outside her house and she takes my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her eyes.

"Are you going to be okay?"

_No._ "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I smile slightly and lean into her touch.

Then she's gone, running up the steps to her house. Away from me. I turn away and walk past the few houses to my own

She could never love me the way I love her.

"Hey daddy." I say as I walk through the door and drop my bag next to the piano. I run my finger over the keys, but not playing the delicate instrument.

"Bud?" A hand is layed on my shoulder and I jerk slightly to look up at my father.

"Hn?"

"I asked how school was.."

"Oh, it was fine..." But looking up into his kind, caring face made a tide of water fill my eyes to the brink and my nose start to burn.

"Oh darlin..."

I smile slightly. "I just miss her daddy." I fold myself into his warm arms for a long second before I make my way up the stairs to my room.

I fall onto my bed and curl my knees to my chest.

The large room is suffocating, making it hard to breath. It's empty, which only enforces the feeling that I'm all alone. In a way I am. There's no one here.

I start sobbing as I catch sight of my mother's picture, and I snatch it off the dresser to hug it to my body.

If only she could be here, she always had a way to make me feel better and not alone. But I am, because she left me. People say that time heals, but they are liers. It only makes the weight heavier each day as another ton is stacked on your shoulders till the weight is too much to bear and you're scrabbling on your knees.

I sit up and wipe the tears with the heel of my palms, sniffling.

The pain. The stabbing agony in my heart hurts so very much and I just want. It. To. Stop.

I walk out of my bedroom of four years and into my bathroom, my mother's picture still clutched in my hand.

I lean heavily on the sink and clench it till my fingers turn white and the photo falls from my grasp, shattering against the floor.

Looking at my mother's face, broken shards of glass scattered around her, makes my blood suddenly go slow, my body numb.

I shift my eyes up to the mirror and see the emptiness conveyed in my eyes, tear streaks still unwiped and eyes slightly red.

I open the mirror to the cabinet behind it and stare at all the bottles. Options and options to choose from.

I snag one at random and with one last look at my mothers smiling face, stumble out of the bathroom on dead legs.

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><p>Lilly's POV<p>

I stretch up high on the tips of my toes, reaching, fingers just barely brushing against the mop bucket I need to scrub the bathroom tile.

A shrill ring sounds from my cell.

"Eep!" I squeak in surprise, and the bucket tips and tumbles down, landing upside down on my head.

Slowly, I sit up from my pile of rags on the floor with a groan.

Pushing the bucket off my head, I grab the phone from the counter next to me.

"Hello?" I sigh, slightly annoyed at whoever called me at such bad timing.

The sound of a shuttering intake of breath is heard from the other end. "Lilly?"

My breath catches halfway into my lungs at the complete emptiness in her voice.

"Miley." I breathe. "Miley, what's wrong?"

"Do you mean it when you tell me you love me?" She asks in the same voice she had first spoken in.

"Of course I do Miles, don't ever doubt that."

"You know I love you, right?" My heart clenches at the question even though its spoken without emotion.

"Yes, I know. Tell me what's wrong Miley." I push gently, because something is obviously not right with her.

"I can't take it anymore." She answers. "I can't take it, I can't take it. It hurts Lils."

"Miley, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, what hurts."

"Mom's not here. She's supposed to be here with me. She's supposed to tell me what to do when I can't figure it out myself, but she's not, and it hurts. I need her Lilly, I need to see her."

"Miles-" I slowly stand up, a few forgotten rags falling from my lap, as pieces start connecting in my mind.

"I can't take it any more. You need to know that I love you, more than I should. That I'm _in_ love with you and I know you can't love me the same way, and that's okay. But I can't take it any more. Please forgive me Lillian Truscott."

"Miles-!" But the line goes dead and my heart it stuttering in fear as much as my body shakes.

I redial again and wait impatiently for her beautiful voice to answer as I walk around the counter.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up, please pick up. Tell me this is all a joke."

And when it goes to voicemail and panic spreads like fire through my veins, I'm sprinting out the front door dialing again and again.

"God damn it Miley, pick up the phone!" It was getting dark out so I'm stumbling over loose rocks as I trip up to her door. I slam into the house without knocking and quickly run my eyes around the room.

"Jackson, where's Miley? Where's your sister Jackson?!" Jackson looks up from the football game playing, clearly startled by the plain panic seeping from my voice.

"I-I don't know. What happened?"

Robby Ray comes down the stairs and smiles when he sees me.

"Hey there Lilly-"

I shove past him and sprint up the stairs three at a time, barging though Miley's door. Everything looks normal with the rumpled sheets and soft glow of the setting sun through the balcony window. Except there was no Miley to accompany the peaceful setting.

I throw open the Hannah closet and, not seeing her, run back into the hall and into the bathroom.

That's where I freeze and feel like I'm choking.

The photo of Miley's mom lay shattered on the tile and the medicine cabinet is left hanging open.

I dash back down the stairs and feel tears burn behind my eyes. I can't lose her.

"Miley!" I shout.

Out the back door and down my the beach, I see a familiar silhouette.

Pushing my burning legs faster, I raise my voice again. "MILEY!"

She turns to me, the beginning of panic and surprise scrawled across her features, before she turns away, facing the sea again and raising her hand to her lips.

"No, Miley!"

I see her swallow and a little bottle falls from her fingers, empty.

She swallowed them. She swallowed the pills. All of them. She's seriously trying to kill herself.

I slam into her hard, knocking us both half way into the lapping waves. I do the only thing I can think of.

I pry her mouth open and shove my fingers down her throat.

I hear her gag and I remove my hand as she pulls her knees under her and vomits into the receding tide.

I wrap one arm around her shoulders, holding back her hair, and when she's done, shove my finger into her mouth again, and repeat again and again until it's only dry heaves and I'm sure there is no more poison in her stomach.

Still on my knees and gasping, I hug her shaking frame to me, burying my face in her neck. She slowly returns the embrace, just as hard and desperate.

She's sobbing now, as hard as I am and I pull back slightly, only to cup her face and kiss her.

I kiss her cheeks, forehead, chin, jaw, eyes, neck, collar bone, hair, temples, tears, cheeks and nose again, and finally, I press my trembling lips to hers.

I ignore the terrible taste of bile and vomit and press my body to where I have every inch of her flush up against me because I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that if a single part of her isn't touching me, she will slip away and leave me like she came so close to doing minutes before.

Standing a few yards back are Jackson and Robby Ray Stewart, eyes wide with the possibility of what almost happened and so lost as to how they didn't know that their Miley was feeling things so strong.

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><p><strong>Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Like it, Love it, Hate it? Let me know.<strong>

**-Fantasy**


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